Detentions
by Sapphire at Dawn
Summary: A detention in each class for Sirius and James.
1. History of Magic

**_Set in James and Sirius's fourth year. A silly little piece I wrote when I was bored._**

* * *

James Potter was entering into a stupor. The class had only began a mere ten minutes ago, but even that short amount of time spent listening to Professor Binns's voice seemed to have a soporific effect on students.

He sighed. He really _should_ exert some effort to keep himself awake this time. He knew that a certain redhead would get angry at him _again_ for falling asleep during a lesson for the third time in a week.

As she entered his thoughts, James's eyes automatically flicked in Lily's direction. She was sat two rows in front of him and slightly to the left, which allowed him a good view of what she was doing. Ideally, she would be seated next to him, but for some reason that James and Sirius could not fathom, she always stayed away.

As he looked at her now, he could see that she wasn't paying attention to the Professor's monotonous drone either. She was doodling absent mindedly on a piece of parchment that only had a few lines of notes on it.

James wondered what it was she was drawing. A flower maybe? Girls always seemed to draw flowers, flowers or trees. Maybe she was doodling his name as he doodled hers on so many of his so called notes?

He liked to think so. Maybe he should do something to impress her, he thought. He could send her a paper arrow asking her out, but then he remembered that he had done that on Tuesday, and she didn't seem to like repetition.

He sighed again and after his eyes lingered on her for several more moments, his attention wandered to his other classmates.

None of them were paying much attention to whatever it was that Professor Binns was trying to teach them. They were either doodling on the parchment that was supposed to contain their notes, as Lily was, absent mindedly looking about them at their fellows, as James was, or simply falling asleep where they sat.

He chuckled to himself when he saw that Bertram Aubrey had fallen asleep completely with his head on Isolde Hicks's shoulder. The sight gave him an idea. With a quick look at Professor Binns, James twisted in his seat and turned to look at Sirius Black, his best friend, who was sitting on the at the end of the row behind him.

The Marauders had been separated a few weeks ago by Professor Binns, for a wrongdoing James couldn't even remember, and were no longer allowed to sit together. Sirius appeared to have given up on life completely; he was sat slumped over the desk, with his head in his arms. He hadn't even bothered to get out his books and parchment.

James grinned to himself as he ripped a scrap of parchment off of the unused roll in front of him, and scribbled a note to Sirius;

_Mr. Prongs would like to point out to Mr. Padfoot that Mr. Aubrey has fallen asleep on Miss Hicks's shoulder, and would like to hedge a bet that he will soon start snoring._

He folded the scrap and tapped it with his wand. It rose into the air, and James sent it flying in Sirius's direction, where it tapped him on the head. James glanced quickly at Professor Binns, but he was still ploughing on with his lecture; clearly he had noticed nothing.

James turned back to Sirius, who had unfolded the parchment and was scanning through it. He looked up at James, who grinned and motioned his head in Aubrey's direction. He saw Sirius's eyes flick away and he smiled widely. He tore off his own scrap of parchment, scribbled something on it, and sent it James's way.

James snatched it out of the air, quickly and unfolded it.

_Mr. Padfoot would like to take Mr. Prongs up on his bet, and would also like to point out to Mr. Prongs that said gentleman is also drooling over said ladies robes._

James resisted the urge to laugh as he hastily scribbled back.

_Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Padfoot, however Mr. Prongs would also like to point out that Mr. Prongs was guilty of this last week. Mr. Prongs enquires as to the amount Mr. Padfoot would like to place._

He sent the parchment back to Sirius and watched him eagerly for his answer.

By now, a few people were watching their exchange with mild interest. It was defiantly better than paying attention to the dull lesson.

James glanced at Lily to see if she was watching them, but to his disappointment she was still immersed in her doodle. With his mind fixed a few rows in front of him, James didn't notice that Sirius's reply was waiting for him until it flapped in front of his face. He turned and grinned apologetically at Sirius, who rolled his eyes.

_Mr. Padfoot would like to point out to Mr. Prongs that that was completely different. Mr. Padfoot would like to place the sum of one Galleon that Mr. Aubrey will not start snoring._

James snorted. This turned several more heads, but again, Lily was not among them. For the second time, his attention was drawn away from Lily by a folded piece of parchment flapping in front of his eyes. He grabbed it and smoothed it open.

_Mr. Moony advises Mr. Prongs to be more obvious, for there are a few people at the back of the class who have not yet noticed his exchanges with Mr. Padfoot._

James looked along the row at Remus and grinned at him before scribbling a note back;

_Mr. Prongs thanks Mr. Moony for his concerns, and will gladly undertake his request._

With a flick of his wand, James sent the parchment in a high arc over his classmates heads and back to Remus. He glanced back at Sirius, just as a piece of parchment zoomed past him. Evidently, Sirius had received a similar note. Remus's reply hit him on the side of the head, before he could turn back to his friend.

_Mr. Moony offers Mr. Prongs the opportunity to educate him in the ways of sarcasm, as he clearly does not understand the concept._

James tried unsucessfullly to stifle a laugh as he wrote his reply. He noticed that Peter had joined in the conversation too, and by now, small pieces of parchment were flying across the room in each of the Marauder's direction.

_Mr. Prongs thanks Mr. Moony for his offer, but has to decline on moral grounds._

With a flick of his wand, the reply joined the others. Another note flew into the side of James's head. This was getting more and more violent. James grinned as he ripped open the note.

_Mr. Padfoot is beginning to feel rather left out, and would like to be included in the conversation._

James tried again to conceal his laughter.

_Mr. Prongs feels sorry that Mr. Padfoot feels left out, but feels that he cannot do anything to help Mr. Padfoot's situation. Mr. Padfoot will have to amuse himself._

Soon, a reply winged its way to James.

_Mr. Padfoot would like to inform Mr. Prongs that he is a git, and assures him that he will find something to amuse himself._

This time, James was not so successful in concealing his laughter as he read Sirius's reply. He looked over at his friend, who turned his nose in the air and deliberately ignored him. A grin spread across his face as he came up with a plan, not only to amuse himself, but to make himself some money. He picked up his wand.

'_Sterto!' _he whispered under his breath, his wand directed at Bertram Aubrey. To James's delight, a muffled snuffling sound began to emit from Aubrey. Isolde Hicks turned to look at him uncertainly.

James tore another scrap of parchment off with glee, and wrote another note to Sirius.

_Mr. Prongs would like to claim his Galleon from Mr. Padfoot, as Mr. Aubrey is now snoring._

James sent the piece of parchment zooming over to Sirius, who seemed to have forgotten his stance, and opened it. He looked at James for a moment, before looking to Aubrey, who was quite clearly snoring. For a moment, Sirius looked dumbfounded, and he looked back at James, who didn't quite rearrange his features into an innocent smile in time. Immediately, Sirius frowned, and snatched up his quill.

_Mr. Padfoot would like to inquire of Mr. Prongs as to whether Mr. Aubrey's snoring is a result of his cheating._

James tried again to suppress a laugh, but was unsuccessful.

_Mr. Prongs is shocked that Mr. Padfoot thinks so, and would like to assure Mr. Padfoot that Mr. Aubrey's condition is of completely natural origin._

A moment later, a reply from Sirius was in James's hands.

_Mr. Padfoot does not believe Mr. Prongs, and would like to say that Mr. Prongs is a cheat._

Not even bothering to try to hide his amusement, James replied.

_Mr. Prongs would like to say that he is not a cheat, and that Mr. Padfoot now owes him a Galleon._

Not aware that many people, including Lily, who had abandoned her doodles, were now watching them as well as the snoring Bertram Aubrey, Sirius read James's note with a stony face, and scratched him a reply. James couldn't stop himself from laughing as he caught Sirius's reply and ripped it open

_Mr. Padfoot would like to tell Mr. Prongs to take his Galleon, and shove it up his –_

'Mr Potter, what is that you have there?' they had drawn Professor Binns's attention at last, and he was gliding up the aisle between the desks towards him. 'Detention, I think.'

* * *

**_Thanks for reading, any constructive critisism is very welcome. I may make this into several chapters, with detentions in different lessons, but it depends if I can think of anything to write about._**

**_Thanks again._**

**_XxX_**


	2. Herbology

'MOOONNNYYYY!!!' Remus turned at the sound of Sirius screaming his name to be greeted by the sight of two of his three best friend running full pelt down the steep hill that boarded the path that led to the Herbology greenhouses.

'WE CAN'T STOP!' James screeched, his arms flailing wildly. Both were laughing manically.

'Oh, Merlin.' Remus sighed, this was going to be painful.

His suspicions were confirmed a few seconds later when both James and Sirius smacked into him simultaneously at full speed, sending them all sprawling onto the floor in a tangle of black robes and book bags.

'Why the heck didn't you just use the path like normal people?' Remus asked in exasperation as he clambered to his feet, wincing as he did so.

'Mate, I've always wanted to do that!' Sirius grinned, ignoring his friend's pain as he tried to scramble up.

'Yeah, it was so much fun!' James added, dragging Sirius back down and using him as an aid to get himself back on his feet. A short scuffle ensured.

Remus waited for his friends to stop fighting and stand themselves up.

'I wish you'd use the path next time.' he said. 'The path hurts less. And if you must do that, use someone else to stop you.'

James and Sirius merely grinned.

'Where's Wormtail?' Sirius asked, looking about him and noticing for the first time that Peter wasn't there.

'Still in the hospital wing,' Remus told them. 'Apparently, he's still covered in fur.'

'Oops,' James grinned sheepishly.

'Well, it wasn't our fault!' Sirius defended. 'How were we supposed to know how strong that potion was? I mean, it didn't say on the bottle, that it would be so bad!'

'Yeah,' James added. 'I only thought it would be for a few seconds and then he'd be back again.'

'Well,' Sirius said, resignedly. 'We know for future practical jokes that that potion definitely does turn people fully into a badger.'

Remus laughed. He often wondered how he had come to be friends with such people, though maybe being their friend meant less pain, but considering Peter's current situation and the recent pain he had undergone, perhaps not. Just being around James and Sirius meant that you got into trouble, they seemed to attract it. Or maybe they just caused it.

The rest of the walk to Greenhouse Five was uneventful, or as uneventful as a walk with James and Sirius could get. By the time they reached the greenhouses, the rest of their classmates from both Gryffindor and Slytherin were already gathered outside. He smiled as he saw James scan the crowd for Lily, and then again at his disappointment when he saw she was not there.

'Why, look who it is!' Sirius said with a sneer as they joined the group. 'Snivellus!'

James, maybe displacing his disappointment at Lily's absence, copied Sirius's scorn.

'Morning, Snivelly pants.'

Snape looked up, his pale face darkening, and prepared to draw his wand, but a voice from behind stopped him.

'Severus!' Lily suddenly came up to the greenhouse.

She threw a contemptuous look at James and Sirius, James's hand jumped automatically to his hair.

'Hey, Evans,' he greeted. 'Fancy sitting with me today?'

Lily shot him a look of exasperation.

'Come on, Sev,' she said, turning her back on James. 'Let's move away.'

At that moment, Professor Geffon, the Herbology teacher, ushered them all inside the greenhouse. Remus followed Sirius and James to seats at the very back of the class, and to James's obvious delight, Lily and her friends, Snape included, took seats in front of them. Remus noted that none of Lily's Gryffindor friends seemed overjoyed at Snape's presence, and kept throwing looks at each other.

'Couldn't stay away, eh Evans?' James leaned forwards and hissed as the rest of the class took their seats.

Lily turned round. The look on her face clearly told Remus that she had been unaware that they sat behind her.

'Shut up, Potter,' she snapped. She stretched her neck out and scanned the rest of the class, evidently looking for seats further away from the Marauders, but there were none to be had. She sighed.

'Settle down, settle down!' Professor Geffoncalled to them. 'Today we will be sorting and potting bouncing bulbs. I will come among you and give you a bag of bulbs and a tray between three. I want all the bulbs in the bags to be potted by the end of the lesson.'

She began to move among the students, handing out bags and trays to students.

Remus had a great sense of foreboding. James and Sirius and hyperactive objects never mixed well, and already he could see they were plotting how to cause the most mayhem. When Professor Geffon reached them, he tried to snatch the bag first, but to no avail. Sirius got there first.

'Haha!' he laughed with glee as he dropped one onto the table and it bounced high in the air.

'Black, if you do that again, it will be detention.' Professor Geffon said.

James snorted.

'Two minutes in, Padfoot, and already threatened. Nice one.'

Sirius merely grinned.

Remus could tell that this was going to be a difficult lesson.

'Ten points if you get Snivellus.' James whispered, a slightly wriggling bulb in his hand.

'Twenty if you get him on the head.' Sirius whispered back.

'A hundred if you can get the Venamous Tentacula to kill him!'

The bets got more and more ridiculous as the lesson wore on. They had not succeeded in planting many bulbs at all, mainly because James and Sirius were trying to see how high they could get the bulbs to bounce, until...

SMASH!

The glass above them shattered, and the students at the tables in front of them squealed and covered their heads with their arms.

'Potter! Black! Detention!' Professor Geffon shouted.


	3. Charms

**_Ok, sorry I haven't updated this in a while, I was stuck for ideas. I hope this one is ok, let me know what you think, and thanks for reading._**

* * *

The students were chatting merrily as they packed away the remainder of their books, preparing for the bell that signalled the end of their charms lesson.

'Well that was a doddle.' James said to the rest of his friends, as he heaved his book bag onto the desk.

'Complete waste of time.' Sirius agreed, pulling a sandwich out of his bag and stuffing half of it in his mouth.

'Where did you get that, Padfoot?' Remus asked quizzically. 'And it's nearly time for lunch.'

'Nicked it from the kitchens a few days ago,' he replied, his mouth full of sandwich. 'Still tastes ok, though. And I'm a growing lad, I need all the nourishment I can get.'

'Mate, that's disgusting.' James looked at his friend in amused revulsion.

Sirius gave a non-committal shrug of the shoulders.

'One moment!' tiny Professor Flitwick squeaked with difficulty from the front of the class. 'The bell has not gone yet, so settle down for the remaining minutes! Now, your homework for today will be to practice the Summoning Charm we started today. I expect that by the next lesson on Tuesday, everyone will be able at least to Summon these cushions.'

'Pfft.' James scorned in disdain. 'Some people already managed it.'

'Means less homework for us, though!' Sirius grinned. 'We can spend the time we would have done practicing that charm on something much nicer and more exciting, I personally fancy another midnight wander, we haven't done that in a while. Anyways, that spell was piss easy.'

Remus coughed slightly at his words, as Peter's cheeks blushed furiously. He had been the only one out of the four not to have managed to Summon anything.

'Oh, don't worry, Wormtail,' James said dismissively. 'I'm sure you'll pick it up easy enough. You just weren't concentrating really today. None of us were.'

Peter's cheeks deepened in colour, and he muttered under his breath.

'You all managed though.'

'You'll get the hang of it.' Sirius replied with a nonchalant hand gesture.

'God, why won't he let us out early?' Remus sighed, slumping onto the table in front of him.

'Cus he's a git. Hey, Prongs,' Sirius stopped sending evil glances at their minute Charms Professor, who was currently struggling to carry a pile of cushions back to the cupboard they had come from, and turned to James. James however, showed no signs that he could hear Sirius at all. His eyes were fixed on the group of girls sitting in the row in front of them.

'Oh no, not again,' Sirius sighed in exasperation. 'Earth to Prongs, Prongsie can you hear me?'

'Shh!' James jerked up a hand to silence Sirius, a mischievous grin on his face. He was listening intently to the conversation that the girls were having, and he signalled for the other three to listen too.

'Well, I can't stand slugs.' Lily was saying. 'I'm glad we don't have to use them in potions much. I hate the way they ooze everywhere, it's disgusting!'

'Feel sorry for me!' Mary chipped in, wringing her hands. 'How many times this week have we used spiders? They scare the hell out of me!'

'Well, at least they aren't big ones,' another girl, Lynette said in a sympathetic voice. 'Imagine if they were huge!'

'Ooh no, don't!' Mary was squeaking slightly hysterically now, her hands covering her ears, while the other girls fell about laughing.

James glanced at Sirius, who mirrored his evil grin.

'Now that could be fun,' he cackled, glancing at Remus and Peter.

Remus smiled in resigned amusement, while Peter looked confusedly between the three of them.

'What?' he asked. 'Why are you grinning?'

'Shh!'

James pulled his wand back out from his book bag, and glanced at Professor Flitwick, who was still immersed with the cushions.

'I think I saw one in the corner above the door when we came in.' Sirius hissed in James's ear. 'Hey, what a time to practice the charm!'

They both laughed, twin cackles of excitement.

'You really shouldn't, you know.' Remus said half heartedly, as he slumped back down on the desk, watching his friends.

'Are you going to stop us?' James asked, amused.

'Nope, it's nearly lunchtime.' Remus replied. 'I'm hungry and therefore don't have the energy to be bothered to stop you. But don't drag me into this when you both get detentions.'

'Detentions?' Peter echoed. 'Don't go and get a detention now! It's Friday, and you haven't had one all week.'

'Drag you into it? Would we?' Sirius asked innocently. 'And why not keep up with tradition, Wormtail? We've had detention at least once a week for about the last four years, why break such a marvellous pattern?'

He nudged James, who pointed his wand to the ceiling above the door at the other end of the room from where they sat.

'_Accio spider!'_ he said, and surely enough, a small black spider came zooming into his hand.

He let it onto the desk, where it scuttled round in circles, obviously slightly disorientated by its impromptu flight across the room.

'Didn't she say she didn't like them big?' Sirius grinned, pulling out his own wand. '_Engorgio!'_

The spider swelled to the size of a saucer as it raced across the desk. James, Sirius and Remus all laughed as the spider ballooned, but Peter looked a little sick, as he finally realised their intention. He clutched the sides of his seat, and began to giggle nervously as James pointed his wand at the spider again.

At a word from James, the spider rose up in the air, its legs flailing comically, and began to hover over the girls sat in front. Slowly, it began to descend, its landing executed with great care as the first of its legs touched the dark brown hair of Mary McDonald.

The Marauders stifled laughs as she gave her head a flick automatically to try and rid herself of the slight irritation. James continued to lower the spider, until it was completely sat on top of her hair. Now, she seemed to feel the weight of the spider, or she sensed that something had been placed on her head, for she reached up to brush it away, and her hand came into contact with a few of the spider's long hairy legs.

'AAARRGGHH!' realising what it was, she screamed shrilly, making everyone else in the classroom jump out of their skins. The Marauders fell about laughing.

The spider fell with a soft thud onto the desk in front of her, and Mary pushed herself away from it as far as she could go, trembling and her face a pasty white.

'Potter!' she screeched as she turned around and caught sight of James with his wand out.

'Mr Potter!' Professor Flitwick cried as he righted himself after nearly toppling off his pile of books in surprise. 'What on earth are you doing?'

'He put that spider on my head!' shrieked Mary, as the spider flopped off the desk, and scuttled for the door in a bid for freedom. Professor Flitwick jabbed his wand at it once, and it shrank into invisibility.

'What do you mean by that, Potter?' he squeaked. 'It's utterly disgraceful! Ten points from Gryffindor for your ridiculous behaviour!

James just lounged back in his seat, trying desperately not to betray the shriek of laughter that was building up inside him.

'But Sir, he summoned that spider from all the way across the room!' Sirius said cheekily, also nearly. 'Surely he deserves some credit for mastering the spell?'

'Yeah, and I don't have any homework, I think that you should _give_ us points, not take them away.' James reasoned.

Professor Flitwick, however, did not look impressed.

'Black! Potter! Detention for your despicable behaviour, and utter cheek!' he squeaked.

Despite this, they both broke out into great barking laughs, unable to contain it anymore. It had been well worth it, they agreed.


	4. Potions

**_Sorry this ones a bit short, but I hope you enjoy. I appreciate feedback, especially concrit. Thanks for reading._**

* * *

'Right then, boys and girls,' Professor Slughorn announced from behind his desk. 'Today, seeing as it is the last lesson before the end of term, we're going to have a bit of fun.'

At this proclamation, Sirius and James snorted. 'Since when has potions been fun?' Sirius hissed, earning him a few glares from the row in front.

Professor Slughorn looked at him, clearly he had heard, but decided to ignore this comment, and continue with his lesson plan. 'Have a bit of fun, by brewing some Pepper-Up Potion! The hospital wing is getting slightly low due to this season's cold and flu outbreak, so I told Madame Pomfrey that my fourth years were up for a bit of a go.'

Sirius slumped on the desk in exasperation.

'What a bloody waste of time.'

'Someone get out of bed the wrong side this morning?' Remus observed.

James laughed.

'No, he's angry that he's stuck inside when it's snowing out there.' James informed him. 'He thinks that he could be doing something much better outside.'

'That's the reason you're angry?' Remus replied in disbelief. 'Because you can't go out in the snow? Mate, the snow'll still be there after Potions.'

'Yeah, but I want to go out now.' Sirius scowled.

'Sounds like you've got PMT to me...' Remus shrugged.

'I have not got PMT!' Sirius exclaimed rather indignantly.

'Whatever, Padfoot,' James said with a snigger.

'Potter, Black, Lupin, please do not talk when I am talking, else you'll have to stay behind afterwards and sort out the mouldy tube-worms from the good ones.' Professor Slughorn said in a slightly bored tone. 'Now, the method is in your books, page forty-nine. Ingredients are in the cupboard. Work in pairs, please.'

Automatically, Sirius turned to James, who had begun to rifle slowly through the book to the correct page. They had a mutual understanding that when there was pair work, James and Sirius would work together, and Remus would go with Peter, though they always shared the same workspace.

There was a sudden scuffle, as everyone went to collect their ingredients at once. Happily, James found himself squashed next to Lily as they both tried to reach for boxes of mustard seeds.

'Oops, sorry, Evans,' James smiled as he accidentally-on-purpose brushed up against her.

She turned to see who it was, and her look of surprise turned to a scowl as she saw James grinning at her.

'Oh, Potter,' she said, evidently trying to be civil. 'That's okay.'

'So, you gonna go out in the snow after Potions?' he said. 'I hear it's pretty thick up there.'

Immediately, he wished that he hadn't said that. The weather? Why on earth was he talking about the weather of all things? And using those ridiculous words! _I hear it's pretty thick up there? _Ugh, it sounded so cheesy!

She looked at him oddly.

'I might do, I don't know,' she replied. 'I might leave it 'til later though.'

'Do you wanna come out with me and the guys later for a snowball fight?' James said hopefully.

' Urgh, no Potter, I don't.' She replied rather angrily, and hurried away, clutching a box of mustard seeds.

'Well, mate,' Sirius said coming up behind him. 'That could have gone better. And seriously, the weather? Nice one.'

'Oh, shut up Padfoot.' James snapped, internally screaming at himself.

He made his way back to their table, and began to haphazardly chuck ingredients into the cauldron.

'Woah!' Remus said, catching hold of James's hand just as he was about to tip a whole box of peppercorns into the smoking pot.

'Don't put them all in!'

Sirius, who was unceremoniously shredding peppermint leaves looked up.

'Why not?' he asked, in a strangely curious tone. 'What would happen?'

'It would probably explode.' Remus said. 'Don't get any ideas, though. I don't want to get a detention in the last week of term. Would be a bit of a downer.'

Sirius merely smiled mischievously, while James poured the correct amount of peppercorns into the potion. The classroom was quiet, everyone was busy over their potions, and the sound of boiling liquid and the occasional _pop_ of a peppercorn provided a rather calming backdrop.

Professor Slughorn dozed contentedly behind his desk. This serene calm wasn't to last long though.

'Prongs,' Sirius said in a ponderous tone as he thoughtfully prodded the flames at the base of the cauldron. 'Have you ever wondered what would happen of you put a load of Exploding Snap cards into a brewing Pepper-Up Potion?'

James grinned impishly

'Can't say I ever have, Padfoot.'

'Care to try it?' Sirius asked innocently.

'Would love to.'

Sirius delved into his bag, and emerged a moment later with a pack of cards.

'Are you ready to do this?' he asked, hand poised over the steadily boiling red potion.

James chuckled excitedly. He had been beginning to think that the class was getting a little too quiet for his liking, this seemed like the perfect way to wake everyone up a bit.

'Ready,' he said, standing back from the cauldron. 'Fire away, Padfoot.'

With a cackle of glee, Sirius dropped the pack into the bubbling liquid, and rushed away from it. No sooner had the cards touched the surface of the potion, it exploded with tremendous force, splattering the ceiling with hissing black stains, and splashing several people at the tables in front.

The entire class, including Professor Slughorn jumped three feet in the air.

'Black!' he yelled, seeing the culprits covered in ash and laughing madly at their triumph. 'Potter! Detention!'


	5. Defence Against the Dark Arts

_**This one is inspired by an old English teacher of mine. She wasn't quite this bad, but did have very bad mood swings, I was thinking about her, and this idea popped into my head. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading. xx**_

The new Defence Against the Dark Arts witch, Professor Tummins was a funny woman; the Marauders had not quite known how to take her when they had first met her. She was young-ish, and so they had assumed that she would be light hearted and breezy, and fifty percent of the time, they were right. The other fifty percent of the time, she was definitely not a woman to be crossed, much like Professor McGonagall. The only trouble was, the Marauders could not easily tell when they could mess around with her, and when silly behaviour was strictly out of order.

In many ways, she was worse than McGonagall. With _her_ at least, they could tell what mood the woman was in. They could tell when they could get away with a cheeky comment or two. With Tummins, sometimes a cheeky comment would make her laugh along with the rest of them, but on a bad day, a cheeky comment was nothing short of a death wish.

Because of this, a game had sprung up between many of her students as to what mood she would be in before a particular lesson. This game had been indulged in with relish by the Marauders, especially by Sirius and James, though less so by Remus, and not at all by Peter, who was incredibly weary of Professor Tummins, even if she was in one of her good moods. He would quake in his very shoes if she as much as looked at him, though Sirius said that this was because she was a relatively attractive young woman, and not because she had the potential to turn into a real life fire-spitting dragon.

On this particular afternoon, it happened to be the first day of sun in three weeks, and the class of Gryffindor fourth years had spent their lunch hour outside in the grounds, basking in its rays, which were not that warm, but would likely be the only day of sun they would get this March. The sun meant that the students were rather excited, and not inclined to settle down easily, something that may or may not incur the wrath of Professor Tummins.

'So, what mood is Tummins gonna be in this afternoon?' Sirius said, casually leaning against the wall, and winking at a passing group of third-years, who rushed away giggling madly.

'A bad one, as usual.' Peter squeaked, laughing nervously at Sirius's antics.

'Come on Wormtail,' James sighed. 'She isn't bad all the time. She let us play chess the other day.'

'Nah,' Sirius said. 'I think she's gonna be all pissy at first, cus of all the sunshine, then she'll lighten up nearer the end.'

'No, you see I think it's gonna be the other way round.' James disagreed.

'You always think the other way round, Potter,' a cool female voice drifted past. 'If you think at all.'

That comment earned giggles from Lily's accompanying friends.

'Now, that was harsh, Evans.' James said in mock distress.

'I'm sure you'll get over it,' she replied, and walked as far away as she possibly could from the Marauders without turning the corner.

As they went past, James caught what one of the girls was saying.

'He's not _that_ bad, Lils.'

James's heart leapt, how would she reply?

'Hmph,' was all she said. James was delighted, she had not said no, or divulged into a lengthy rant about him. This was progress.

Sirius sighed at James's pathetic face.

At that moment, Professor Tummins's face popped out of the door to greet the class.

'Come on in, guys,' she smiled sweetly.

The Marauders exchanged looks, Sirius looked disappointed; his prediction was obviously wrong, James looked triumphant, Remus looked amused, and Peter looked hopeful.

'A galleon says she turns angry within ten minutes,' Sirius hissed in James's ear.

'Hey, that's my prediction!' James protested. 'Just cus yours was crap doesn't mean you can steal mine.'

'Scared, Prongsie?' Sirius teased. 'What about you two? Fancy a flutter?'

'No, thanks mate.' Remus said. 'I'm all gambled out after last night's chess session.'

Sirius grinned at the memory; James whooping Remus's ass at chess in almost every game. Remus, who never lost a match, had gotten increasingly frustrated and placed higher and higher amounts of money on the outcome to overcome his frustration. He hadn't realised that James and Sirius had rigged the set, fed up with his constant triumphs over them.

'I'll put a galleon on that she flips out within the first minute,' Peter, ever the optimist, said.

'Haha!' Sirius laughed, shaking Peter's hand. 'That would be a record, Wormtail. It's never been a minute before. Prongs?'

'Hell yeah I'll take both of you. I say five minutes.' James grinned, grabbing Sirius's hand.

'Come on, come on!' Professor Tummins said, ushering them in to the room.

The gambling Marauders grinned at each other, wondering who, if anyone would walk away with the gold. They made their way to their usual seats at the back of the class that allowed them a place to observe their fellow classmates, and be a safe distance away from Tummins if she turned nasty.

'What are we going to do today, miss?' Sirius asked good naturedly as he slung his bag on the desk.

'Well if you wait a minute, I'll tell you!' the Professor snapped. 'And don't throw your bag around like that, Mr Black!'

Sirius's grin was momentarily wiped off his face at her sudden mood swing. He glanced round at his friends in disbelief. Peter had won. _Peter_ had won. Peter never won! A minute! This had to be some sort of record.

'Wormtail!' James whispered, equalling Sirius's disbelief. 'How on _earth_ did you know!'

'When it comes to her,' Peter said, shooting nervous glances at the Professor, 'I always assume the worst.'

'Merlin. That's a philosophy and a half...'

'Mr Black!' Professor Tummins shouted across the room again. 'If I have to tell you again, it's going to be detention!'

'Bloody hell,' the Marauders heard Sirius whisper under his breath.

'Now then, today we will be studying situations in which to use a defensive spell,' Professor Tummins said in a slightly disgruntled voice. 'Please turn to page one hundred and sixty in your books.'

Stunned by their teachers initial harsh reaction to Sirius, the class followed her instructions quickly and in silence, only the scuffle of pages being turned punctured the air. She instructed them to read a few of the pages, in a perfectly cordial manner, and the students began to push her limits slightly, by whispering now and again to their neighbour, glancing every time they ventured to do so at their Professor. She seemed to be contented with this, as long as they were reading, and soon hushed chatter could be heard, wavering around the room. The chatter got louder and louder, and more and more books began to be left abandoned at the page their reader had stopped reading, the students forgetting Professor Tummins's outburst until...

'DID I TELL YOU TO STOP READING?!' the woman screamed at the startled students. 'There will be no talking from now on! The next person to disrupt the lesson will be punished!'

Each head suddenly snapped forward back to the pages they were supposed to be reading. James glanced at the time quickly, and found that ten minutes had gone by. He sighed, there would be an argument later. Already, he could see Sirius trying hard not to grin next to him, his elbow edging closer and closer to his arm, trying to force a reaction out of him and get him into trouble.

But James sensed that he would not need Sirius's help in disrupting the class. He could feel the odd drowsiness creeping up on him, the slight itch that caused it was not relenting. The class was so silent, a pin dropping would ring across the room at a thousand decibels. Oh no, James though, it was coming, he took a few short breaths and then...

He sneezed, loudly, the sound making several people jump.

'POTTER!' Professor Tummins screamed, her eye bulging. 'DETENTION!'


	6. Muggle Studies

_**We used to do this in our GCSE History lessons, though we never got caught :D Decided to do this one from a different perspective, just to see how it went. Found it quite interesting actually. I decided that some of the Marauders did Muggle Studies, how else would Sirius have gotten so into motorbikes? Hope you enjoy, and sorry it's taken me so long to update.**_

Sirius Black looked longingly out of the window of the stifling Muggle Studies classroom he was currently sitting in. It was a gorgeous day outside, and the view from the window was not helping his mood. From where he was sat he had an annoyingly brilliant view across the grounds. From the lofty classroom window, he could see past the rocky cliffs to where the lake sparkled in front of him in the bright sunshine, the light catching the surface and making it glint like molten silver, tiny white waves gently lapping at the pebbly shore. He could see the smooth looking lawns, a stunning green colour, dotted with white and yellow clumps of daisies and buttercups, sloping gently towards the water's edge, could see the patches of shade in front of the various trees dotted across the grass, saw how their leaves occasionally moved lazily as the cool breeze played through them. He could almost feel it on his face. If he strained his neck to the right, he could see the drooping branches of the Whomping Willow, which were gently swaying in the calm air, and beyond that, the mass of dark leaves that was the Forbidden Forest.

He sighed wistfully as several twittering birds soared past the slightly open window and rested his head sullenly on his arms. Beside him, his friend, Remus Lupin, turned to him, and seeing his apathetic stance gave a small laugh.

'Life that bad, eh Padfoot?' he said in amusement.

Sirius tilted his head to the side to stare up at Remus.

'It is when the weather's that good outside. I think I'm gonna die in here,' he sighed.

'Bit dramatic, mate,' the voice of his best friend, James Potter drifted from his other side.

Sirius turned his head on his arms to look at James, who was longing back in his chair with his hands behind his lead looking like he was sunbathing.

'What's with Mr Cool?' he asked with a snort, indicating James's position.

'Well mate, from here I have the benefits of a lovely breeze coming from that window, I was just enjoying it,' James said, closing his eyes as a waft of the breeze caught a couple of strands of his hair and whipped them into the air, making his already untidy hair even messier.

'Urgh, I'm gonna kill you,' he said in a disgruntled voice. 'Wanna swap?' he added hopefully as an afterthought.

James shook his head, his eyes still closed and a happy grin over his face.

'Git,' Sirius mumbled under his breath, turning away from his annoying friend.

'How long have we got to go, Moony?' Sirius asked.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Remus glance up at the clock above their Professor's desk.

'It's quarter to three,' he said. 'So forty-five minutes.'

At that devastating blow, Sirius let out a high pitched, yet quiet, wail and buried his head in his arms.

'We've only been here fifteen minutes!' he whined into his arms.

'Sorry mate, didn't catch that,' Remus said, an antagonising smile on his face.

Sirius raised his head as much as he could be bothered.

'Shove off,' he said.

'You know, you could always actually listen to Professor Thompson,' Remus said. 'You know, for a change.'

Sirius chortled his disgust.

'Why, are you going to?' he asked Remus.

'Nope,' his reply came quickly. 'But then again, I can entertain myself for the remainder of the lesson, unlike you.'

'Hey, it's not my fault my creative brain wants to be outside right now!' Sirius told Remus. 'Wanna play hangman?'

But Remus, who was stretched out in his chair like James, shook his head.

'I'm daydreaming.'

'Urgh,' Sirius whined into his arms again.

'... hence the reason why Muggles developed the shipping industry.' Professor Thompson's voice wove into his brain, but Sirius didn't really register what she was saying. 'Now, the busiest shipping lane in the entire world is in the English Channel, where the Muggles export many goods to France in order to be transported in Lorries around Europe...'.

He wanted to transport Remus round Europe in a Lorry for being so annoying and not playing hangman with him.

'...there are also many large Ferry Liners that cross the Channel, departing from ports such as Southampton, Dover and Poole along the south coast...'

Hmm. Poole. He had cousins near there. Not that he had seen them in years, but it was a tedious piece of useless information that his brain had dragged from its depths in a moment of boredom.

'Aagh!' he wailed again in sheer desperation.

'What's the matter now, Padfoot?' James asked.

'I want time to go faster!' he whined.

'Well, it can't.' Remus said simply from his other side.

'Ah, that's not technically true,' James said, smiling and unfolding his hands from behind his head.

'How isn't it true?' Remus asked, quizzically.

'Remember them Time Turner's Flitwick told us about the other day in Charms?'

'But technically, that's not making time go _faster,_' Remus argued. 'It just jumps from point to point. You still have to live through that period of time, or you future self will.'

'But time will go faster,' James said with a smile on his face. He was arguing now just for the sake of it.

'But technically it won't, as you'll still live through it at the same speed.'

'I know a way time can go faster,' Sirius said in a bored voice, his chin still resting on his arms.

'How?' James and Remus said together.

'Just wind the clock forwards,' he said. James snorted while Remus just sighed.

'Hey, now that's an idea!' he said, sitting upright for the first time that lesson. 'How about we wind the clock forward, tell Thompson that that's the actual time and that the bells have broken or something, and she'll let us go early!'

He looked at James, who had a manic grin on his face and a mischievous look in his eye.

'I'm in!' he said.

'Moony?' he turned to his other friend, who he saw with annoyance had a sceptical look in his eye. 'Oh, come on, we'll be able to finish like forty minutes early! We can go upstairs, get changed and then hit the great outdoors! Frankly, I feel like pushing someone in the lake...'

'Yeah, and then we can brag to Peter when he comes out that we got let out early!' piped up James. 'Just look at the weather, Moony, wouldn't you love to be out there?'

It was this above all else that seemed to sway him. Sirius saw with triumph the look in Remus's eye that usually signified that he had given into one of their mad schemes.

'Okay then!' Sirius said, picking up his wand and pointing it at the clock. 'Let's do this!'

He twirled his wand in his hand, making the minute hand spin round with it, and he watched with glee as the slender arm glided past the three o'clock mark, past quarter past and slid to a halt at thirty five minutes past.

Several people tittered and snorted as they spotted the movement of the clock and cast their eyes about to see who was responsible.

'Now, whose gonna tell her?' Sirius asked. 'I don't think it should be me, because I did the clock.'

'Hey that's not fair,' Remus objected.

'If we're going like that, I don't think I should do it either because I gave you the idea. Moony, it's you,' James said, a smile on his face.

'Hey!' Remus objected again. 'How can you say you gave him the idea? It was both of us arguing about Time Turners. I think we should draw wands.'

'Fair enough,' Sirius shrugged, handing his wand over to Moony.

'Right ok, close your eyes, and whoever get's their own wand has to ask,' James said, leaning to get closer to the wands.

'One, two, three!'

With his eyes clamped shut, Sirius groped in the air for several seconds, before his fingers brushed against wood, and he grasped the first one he touched, pulling it free of Remus's grip. His eyes flew open.

'Ha!' he said in triumph as he saw James's wand lying in his hand. He glanced to his right to see James gleefully clutching his own, which meant...

'Haha, Moony it's you!' James taunted, handing Sirius back his wand.

'Damn it!' Remus swore. 'Oh fog it, here it goes.'

The other two watched with baited breath as Remus put his hand in the air, putting on his best teachers-pet face.

'Excuse me, Professor Thompson,' he said, interrupting the Professor, who was in full swing about why Muggles went on cruises.

'Yes, Mr Lupin?' Professor Thompson asked with a smile.

'Well, it's just that it's twenty to four,' he said, pointing to the clock hanging above her. 'The bells must have broken.'

'Oh, goodness,' she said, evidently taken aback. 'Well, gosh that went quickly! I suppose you lot had better go then...'

Sirius exchanged triumphant grins with Remus and James as he got to his feet, shouldering his bag. The rest of the class were doing the same, half of them sniggering knowingly, the other half glancing around in surprise, just as their Professor was, some checking their watches, raising their eyebrows, and then smiling to one another.

'Quick,' Sirius laughed manically as adrenaline surged through his veins as he hurried for the exit. 'Go, go! Before she realises!'

He could barely control his laughter, and he heard James and Remus struggling with theirs too, as they rushed to the door, unable to believe that they were getting away with it. He was nearly there, the door was almost within his reach, he was going to be the first one out...

He glanced behind him to grin at his friends, and saw with horror, almost in slow motion, Professor Thompson pull back her sleeve to check her watch...

'Lupin! Black! Potter!' she shrieked. 'Detention! Now get back here, all of you, and sit down! There is still forty minutes of this class to go!'

'Damn,' Sirius whispered to Remus and James as, grumbling, the class made their way back to their seats. 'Well, we almost got away with it. Next time we'll have to get a teacher who doesn't have a watch!'


	7. Astronomy

**_Here's the next installment, sorry it's taken so long, these ideas are hard to come up with! I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted or favourited this story, and if anyone has any ideas, let me know, there are still three more subjects to go and I have nothing! Thanks everyone xxx_**

* * *

James yawned widely as he dangled himself over the arm of the sofa by the fire, his eyelids drooping despite his best efforts to focus them on Remus, who sat looking equally tired with dark rings round his eyes. Beside James, Sirius lay sprawled across the rest of the sofa, his mouth open and strange muffled snores coming from him. On the hearth rug, Peter was also having trouble keeping awake, his head kept drooping onto his chest where it would rest for a few moments before it would jerk up again.

'That is the last time I stay up past two when we've got Astronomy the next day,' James sighed. 'What time is it?'

'Quarter to,' Remus replied. 'We should get going.'

He dragged himself to his feet and swung his bag onto his shoulder, making Peter jump at the sudden movement.

'Come on, Padfoot, get your lazy arse up,' James said, slapping Sirius in the stomach and causing him to jump six feet in the air.

'Glad you could join us,' Remus smirked at Sirius's dishevelled state.

'Don't do that again, Prongs!' he said in a shaky voice as James fell about laughing.

The rest of their class began leaving the common room, and so the Marauders followed, yawning and dragging their feet, exhausted after a long day on not much sleep.

'Why do they have to do bloody Astronomy lessons at midnight?' Sirius sighed as he trudged up a flight of steps.

'Because that's when it's dark, Padfoot,' James said with a snigger.

'Oh shut up Prongs, or I'll curse you.'

'Just answering your question.'

'Shut up you two. You know,' Remus said. 'I think you made a lot of progress last night.'

'Yeah, I think we might have gotten a bit carried away,' Sirius replied, stifling a yawn.

'Maybe, but I think you got a lot closer to the final transformation,' Remus reasoned. 'Achieving the state of mind is a huge improvement, according to the books.'

'Yeah, and even Peter managed it a little.'

'A little?' Peter piped up indignantly. 'I think I should remind you that I mastered it faster than Sirius!'

Sirius shrugged.

'I got it like a second after! And anyway, I was distracted.'

'With what?' Remus asked, puzzled.

He was silent for a moment as if he was trying to think of a suitable excuse.

'World domination.'

The other three sniggered as they ascended the circular steps that led up the astronomy tower. When they reached their classroom, they found that Professor Sinistra hadn't yet arrived. The only other person in the room was Peeves, who was bouncing round on the ceiling. He stopped abruptly when the chattering students entered and smirked down at them all, a mischievous grin plastered on his face.

'Ooh!' he cackled. 'What have we here? Ickle studenties? What fun!'

As he continued to zoom round the room, Sirius and James began to grin broadly at each other.

'What a way to wake ourselves up,' James whispered in a voice that hinted mischief in every syllable as he walked to a bench and dumped his bag on it.

'Whatever, guys,' Peter piped up following suit and shooting glances up at Peeves, who was breaking sticks of chalk into small, missile shaped pieces. 'I'm not messing with him again. Remember what happened last time?'

'Pfft,' Sirius waved away his friend's concerns. 'It wasn't that bad, Wormtail.'

'He shut me in a suit of armour and caused a candelabra to fall on the rest of you, which if I remember rightly, nearly pierced Prong's arm.'

'He has got a point,' Remus reasoned.

'Yeah, well there aren't any suits of armour to get shut in here, are there?' James said with an air of finality. 'Now, the thing is, do we use same idea, or go for a different one?'

Sirius looked ponderous for a moment before answering.

'I think we should stick with the original idea,' he said after a while. 'I mean, we didn't spend ages looking for and developing that spell for nothing, did we?'

Remus cleared his throat loudly.

'Well, Moony didn't anyway,' he corrected sheepishly.

'That's better.'

'Now, Wormtail, get chewing this,' Sirius said, handing Peter a stick of gum. 'And look under the desks for more.'

'Eww, that's gross!' he whined. 'I'm not touching other people's chewed gum!'

'You don't have to touch it, you dolt,' James sighed in exasperation. 'Chew yours up a bit and then stick it to the biggest wad. Or use your wand.'

Peter reddened slightly and scuttled off to do their bidding, watched with interest and confusion by the rest of their class.

'What's the little squirt doing?' Peeves cackled from overhead and hurled a lump of chalk at Peter's bent back. It hit it's mark, bouncing off and leaving a little white mark. Peter squealed and tried to stand, but his head was under a desk, so with a dull thud, his head connected with the wood.

'Haha!' Peeves howled in delight. 'Fatty's stuck under the table!'

'Leave him alone, Peeves,' Sirius stood up to defend his friend.

'Ooh, Black standing up for his lover!' the poltergeist cackled. 'Black _luuurrrvvees _Fatty! Haha! Who else does little Blackie love?'

He began to hurl little chalk missiles at the class, who screamed and tried to take shelter under their books and desks.

'Stupid,' Peeves lobbed a missile at one of the students.

'Little,' He fired another.

'Squirts!' This missile struck the head of Lily Evans, who shrieked in shock and pain.

At once, James was on the desk, his wand drawn and pointed at Peeves bobbing on the ceiling.

'Stop that!' he roared.

'Ooh,' Peeves crowed 'Touched a nerve have we? Does Potty love Evans?'

He lobbed several more chalk pieces at Lily, who had a face of thunder. Luckily, they missed.

'Stop it!' he yelled again, furious.

'Shant!' Peeves howled, chucking more missiles at the desk.

'Prongs, over here!' Peter squeaked from two rows of desks in front.

James pointed his wand at Peeves and shouted with all his might.

'_Waddiwasi!_' he cried.

With a bang, the wad of gum shot from underneath the desk and sped like a bullet towards Peeves and lodged itself in his right nostril. The poltergeist swooped from the room shouting curses and making rude gestures at James.

'Yes!' James whooped in triumph, along with the rest of the Marauders, but this suddenly turned to silence, as Lily Evans emerged from under her desk, her eyes burning.

'You idiot!' she rounded on James, who was still standing on top of his desk.

'What?' he said innocently.

'Getting me hit with chalk like a billion times!' she shouted up at him.

'I was trying to help you!'

'Fat lot of good it did, Potter!' she shouted. 'I just got hit with more!'

'That's not the point,' James shouted back, angry that his attempts to save her were being taken in the exact opposite manner in which he meant them.

'That's what happened!' she yelled.

'I was trying to save you!'

'Well next time,' she snarled, a poisonous look on her face,. 'Don't bother!'

'Miss Evans! Mr Potter!' James's heart plummeted as he heard the angry voice of Professor Sinistra. 'What is going on here? Detention, both of you!'

James was furious, though there was a little voice inside his head that told him that he shouldn't be mad, he was going to do this one with Evans.


	8. Transfiguration

**_Sorry everyone, this isn't an update. I deleted the wrong chapter of the wrong fic by accident. If anyone has any suggestions for the final two classes, Care of Magical Creatures and Ancient Runes (I think) feel free to let me know! These ideas are hard to come up with!_**

* * *

Peter Pettigrew was bored. It was early, and he was sat in the dull library flipping absent-mindedly though a book he had pulled from the shelf at random. He had no friends to keep him company; Sirius and James were in detention after shattering the roof of a greenhouse in Herbology last week, and Remus had gone to see Professor McGonagall about something. He didn't like it much on his own; he wasn't like James or Sirius in the respect that he was confident enough to join any random group of students and have fun. Or neither was he like Remus; content to sit on his own in the Common Room while everyone around him chattered and laughed with their friends. He liked to feel included, part of things, and that wouldn't happen if he sat there on his own. Instead, he had taken refuge in the library where he could fill the time browsing through random books. Here, nobody laughed or chattered enough for him to feel left out.

Sirius often laughed at Peter's behaviour at times like these. 'Just go and _talk_ to someone, Wormtail! It's not _hard!_' he would say. Well, it was easy enough for him to say, Sirius Black, who could start a conversation with a wardrobe if there was nobody else around. He would never be able to understand what it felt like to lack the confidence to talk to strangers, to be lost for words and to be standing there, mouth gaping like a fish out of water while the people laughed at him cruelly.

It was easy sometimes to dislike Sirius, Peter though, savagely turning a page of the book.

'Careful, boy!' the hawk-like librarian, Madam Pince, shrieked from her desk, causing Peter to jump.

'Sorry,' he muttered, turning the next page with more care. Why _was_ she so protective of her books, he thought moodily. They were only bundles of parchment, and it wasn't like wizards couldn't repair things with a wave of a wand. It made no sense. What _was_ the book he was reading, anyway? He flipped the book closed for a moment to read the cover.

_Weird Wizarding Dilemmas and Their Solutions._

Sounded rather interesting, Peter thought. Definitely a James and Sirius type of book. Perhaps there was something in here that they could work into a prank. He opened the book again and began to flick through it with more interest.

_When going for the dramatic, it can never hurt to push the boat out as far as possible,_ he read, stopping at the top of a page adorned with diagrams of extravagant facial hair. _Extravagance may be the key to any situation, and the key to extravagance is dynamic facial hair. Listed are some spells to help the natural growing process for those wizards who find it difficult to grow their own facial hair._

Peter flicked down the list, chuckling to himself every so often. There were spells for handlebar moustaches, Georgian style whiskers, beards even longer than Dumbledore's, even plaited goatee's. At the bottom of the page, there was one that made Peter nearly choke with laughter. This was brilliant! He _had _to show this to James and Sirius. Carefully noting the page, Peter went over to Madam Pince's desk and plonked the book on the counter.

'I'd like to take this book out, please.

'Sirius! James!' Peter giggled with excitement as he scrambled through the portrait hole and practically ran to the sofa they were sitting in, the book hugged to his chest. He was glad to see that they were back from their detention, though they did look rather dirt covered for it.

'What is it, Wormtail?' Sirius asked in a bored sort of voice.

'Look at this!' he opened the book at the right page and thrust it under their noses. From the armchair next to them, Remus looked up with interest from the Exploding Snap tower he was building.

'I don't want a moustache, thanks,' Sirius said, pushing the book away. James laughed, but Peter wasn't deterred.

'No, look at this last one! It's hilarious! I thought we could use it on people!' he pushed the book back at Sirius and James, both of whom leaned a little closer at the prospect of a new joke idea. 'The one right at the bottom.'

'A spell that makes your nose hair grow in ringlets?' James repeated in a tone that suggested both amusement and disgust.

'Oh, that's excellent!' Sirius exclaimed! 'Ha! We can practice it tonight and use it on someone tomorrow!'

'Use it on who?' Remus said, speaking up for the first time.

'I don't know,' Sirius said. 'Anyone. Oh, this is brilliant, Wormtail, great job!'

Peter grinned. Sometimes, Sirius could be an idiot, but at this moment Peter didn't care. He was looking forward to an evening of ridiculous laughter and prank planning. It couldn't get much better than this.

The next day, each of the four Marauders wore a strange, mischievous grin on their face. It was the kind of grin that their fellow students had equally come to love and hate, for it usually meant some sort of practical joke was on it's way.

They were unusually quiet at breakfast, speaking only to each other in low, conspiring whispers.

'You sure you can remember the theory behind it?' James said quietly to Sirius as they finished eating and stood up to go to their first lesson, Transfiguration.

'Yep,' Sirius whispered back. 'Totally sure. Ha-ha, I can't wait to do this!'

They made their way up to the fourth floor for their lesson, and waited calmly outside. Five minutes later, Professor McGonagall ordered them in, and the took their places.

'Now today,' she said, 'we will be continuing our work on cross-species switches. I have a cage of guinea fowl here, and I want you to turn them into guinea pigs using the theory we have been studying. McAllister, please hand one of these birds to each student. Well, you know the incantation. Let's see how you get on.'

She called up a student to hand out a bird to each person, and told them to get on with it. For a few minutes, James and Sirius concentrated on turning their guinea fowl into guinea pigs, but they soon got bored.

'We should use it now,' James said to Sirius in an undertone.

'Now?' Sirius replied doubtfully. 'What about old McGonagall? She'll do her nut if we just stood up and did it on a random person.'

'We won't do it on a random person,' James said. 'I have an idea. Watch.'

He raised his wand, but instead of pointing it at the bird sitting calmly on his desk, he aimed it at Grayson Kirke, a fellow Gryffindor who was sitting in the row of benches next to them. Kirke was waving his wand wildly in front of him, and as he said the incantation, James whispered under his breath.

'_Evessio!'_

Kirke suddenly dropped his wand and clutched his hand to his nose, and gave a shriek.

'What on earth is the matter?' Professor McGonagall said, sweeping over to Grayson. 'Here, let me see.'

She prised his hands away from his face to reveal a perfect set of ringlets descending from his nose. The class burst out laughing, evidently under the impression that he had made some sort of blunder while trying to transfigure his guinea fowl.

The Marauders joined in the laughter, but with an added ounce of amusement, for they knew what had really caused the strange growth of hair. In a moment, Professor McGonagall had fixed it and ordered the rest of the class to get on with their work.

'Who next?' Sirius whispered. 'Let me do it this time; I want to try.'

James nodded in agreement, and Sirius pointed his wand at a girl sat a few places away from Lily Evans. As soon as she opened her mouth, Sirius whispered the incantation, and ringlets started to sprout from her nostrils. James and Sirius snorted with laughter as the rest of the class turned to see what had happened.

'Now really,' Professor McGonagall scowled as she descended on the girl and preformed the spell that reversed the growth. 'What is the matter with you? Try and do it properly!'

The lesson continued along this vein for some minutes. Every time a student opened their mouth to perform the spell they were supposed to, either Sirius or James would mutter the incantation and a large amount of growth would sprout in ringlets from their nose. Every time, Sirius and James found it harder to control their laughter, their slides fit to bursting with the effort needed to control themselves. However, Professor McGonagall didn't find it in the least amusing.

'Would the person who is doing this stop, or else it will be detention!' she growled menacingly, peering round at them all.

'She doesn't know it's us!' James whispered to Sirius, wiping tears of laughter away from his eyes. 'Just once more. It's hilarious! People don't have a clue!'

'Okay, okay,' Sirius said between silent laughs. 'Just one more. This is so good! Oh look, McGonagall's picking up her wand! She's going to show Montgomery something!'

They looked at each other with wicked grins. Was it worth the trouble they would be in?

'Definitely,' they whispered simultaneously.

Just as Professor McGonagall pointed her wand at the guinea fowl, several long hairs curled themselves out of her nose.

James and Sirius couldn't hold it in any longer. At the sight of McGonagall swelling like a bullfrog, nose hair curing past her chin, they burst out into fits of hysterical laughter.

'Black! Potter! Detention!'


End file.
